Canterlot Is Corrupt

Friends and fans, stallions and mares, fillies and colts, donkeys and zebras and griffons…

I’ve been thinking about this for a while and I hope you bear me no ill will for it—I am ending Canterlot Is Corrupt. While we had a good run and I’m grateful for the unexpected mounds of fanart, praise, and general reblogging I received (not to mention a TV Tropes article—thanks again to wyvern-k for setting that up, once again!), and the crowds at the livestreams…the simple fact of the matter is that popping up entries about our gruff rouge journalist pony just isn’t fun anymore, and to be fully honest, hasn’t been for a while. That’s not anyone here’s fault, that’s just kind of the way it went. I’m not denouncing ponies in any way by doing this—I’m still a casual fan—making a fancomic just no longer holds the same level of interest for me as it initially did. Scoops’ time here on the internet is over, and I want to move on to other things (and in many ways already have). But I’m not going to leave you guys with just a letter. I’ll lay out the story I had planned and answer (via text) the remaining inbox questions (in-character) so we can clear that out.

I’d like to thank you all once again, you’ve been awesome to me.

I’ll be leaving this blog up, though it will no longer update, and I’ll be trying to get back in the habit of posting things to my regular personal tumblr again once I remember the password (derp). I also have designs to make a return to my former webcomic, Comics Without Actual Punchlines, once I’ve found a better host for it. (I’ve been looking into ComicsPress but it seems really complicated…maybe Keenspot? I dunno, who has ideas?)

See you around the internet, friends.

THE STORY

I suppose I’ll start with the bits of Scoops’ origin that I never got around to showing, since they were important to the overall arc. The Scoops Inkstain plot bits would have involved the following characters, most of which had already started to be introduced:

Scoops himself

Glitz Glamour, a high-profile pimp (the yellow pony with the sunglasses seen in one of the flashbacks, the one Scoops had made a one-off reference to very early on as having broken the pelvis of)

Marshmallow Crème, one of Glitz’s girls (the pink pony with the white bob cut seen in the same flashback Glitz was introduced)

Lime Zest and Lemon Twirl, Marshmallow’s daughters (seen in a piece of Christmas bonus art—their prototypes are briefly seen in that same flashback that introduced their mom but ended up being designs I didn’t go with)

And Officer Ironshield, one of the few still-honest guards in the Canterlot red light district.

After assaulting Glitz and getting jailed for it, Scoops would be freed by a mysterious benefactor (eventually revealed to be Ironshield), only to discover his newspaper was now shifty about taking him back, as the incident with the assault had garnered some media attention. Meanwhile, in a fit of youthful non-planning, Scoops actually went back to where he had committed the assault to check on Marshmallow and, in another fit of too-quick thinking, took her and her daughters into his own home despite having almost no money himself. He and Marshmallow would begin to develop the tiniest sparks of affection between each other, and he was essentially a surrogate father to Lime and Lemon. With Marshmallow’s help, Scoops was able to craft together a massive, detailed expose on just how much of a problem Canterlot’s prostitution industry was. Unfortunately, none of the newspapers he tried wanted to touch it, mostly due to not wanting such a potentially inflammatory piece that had also been written by a reporter who had still recently been jailed and laid off. He finally got it in an otherwise-bogus tabloid, the Canterlot Whinny.

Glitz, fresh out of the hospital and incensed at the injury, Scoops having taken one of his best girls, and the article getting out at all (despite a rather small audience, given the tabloid’s reputation), killed Marshmallow in a fit of rage for helping Scoops and as a warning to him. After finding a home for Lemon and Lime, Scoops would have moved to his current, undisclosed location. The death of Marshmallow was an event still very much affecting him from that point up till the present day. He entirely blames himself for the incident and is not only the trigger for when he took up smoking and began having fitful-at-best sleep, but is also the reason he began to no longer afford himself many friends and claimed to anyone who asked that he “didn’t do romance”—he didn’t want anyone else ever getting hurt again on account of his actions. Sometime after Marshmallow’s death, in the initial throes of his depression, Scoops’ cutie mark would appear, described melodramatically by him as a “stain” that came from knowing too much. This brings us more or less to the present day, some one or two years later, when Scoops started his blog.

Some readers had noted that Scoops’ appearance seemed to subtly deteriorate over the course of the postings. This was intentional. Hints were slowly popping up the Scoops’ health was not only poor, but actively lowering as he began to look unhealthily gaunt and the bags under his eyes became more prominent. From the initial “drunk” entry, we began to see him drink more often, a trend that would have continued until it would become rare that we saw a fully sober Scoops for a few entries. He began to also show some apathy about his own safety (the outdoor entries), and slip some hints about his worsening depressed state into his dialogue. Eventually he would have resorted to glitter (pony cocaine) to staying awake, and the true state of his health would be blown wide open when he would have collapsed in the middle of an entry. While recovered, the readers would be briefly introduced to Lime and Lemon in a fuller capacity—while they would not post a true entry, we would see glimpses of them fiddling with a camera and generally proving they had access to Scoops’ blog.

When Scoops returned, still in weak health, he would be assaulted by none other than Glitz again, making his own return, having discovered Scoops’ blog. Scoops would be jailed again. During this time, entries would continue to be posted—but not by Scoops. Lemon, Lime, and Officer Ironshield, being introduced at that time, would begin to make blog entries in his stead. Eventually Scoops would regather enough strength to plan and execute a prison break, and make his own return—only to soon after finding himself at the mercy of a Glitz now fully out of patience. To make a point, Glitz would record himself offing Scoops and post it to the blog, but be surprised at Scoops’ rather nonchalant attitude towards his own death, not knowing that Lemon, Lime, and Ironshield were already poised to continue on his work. Scoops would die, and Glitz would be exposed and arrested shortly thereafter by Ironshield, now having sufficient evidence against him and access to an honest judge. The blog would then have continued as previous, but with Lemon and Lime doing the reporting as starting amateur journalists.

INBOX QUESTIONS

(Disclaimer: While I answered most of what I had sitting in there, I did skip a few. Any variation on “hello, are you there?” was abandoned, and there were a select few I just didn’t have an answer for—apologies in that regard.)

seekerofanimatedknowledge asked you:

The land of Equestria has anorexic-like ponies (Fleur de Lis) and the average size ponies (everyone else) but no longer has any plus size ponies with the addition of two new little ones shrinking our favorite baker. Is there some awesome health care program kept off the cameras or are ponies naturally just gifted with a high metabolism?

Nah, you just don’t see any of the larger ponies on camera. What you guys see is a show, after all. Works just like your Hollywood—unless it’s an essential part of the characterization, plus-size ponies don’t show up that often in media.

Anonymous asked you:

I’m sorry about Mrs. Cake and the babies. If you date her now you’ll ruin the lives of two innocent sweet little fillys. They’ll be destroyed. Even if she just has you as a friend, the burden of visiting you, feeding you, caring for you. It’ll rob those sweet young ones of their mothers love and attention. That’s gotta suck. Sorry.

Because I clearly have no idea what it’s like to have kids of my own.

oldmanyellsatcloud asked you:

The bad news is that you’ve apparently failed your New Years Resolution to not murder your own liver. The good news is you can give Mister Cake tips on how to shave stress beardstubble. Have you SEEN him since the twins were born?

Actually, I think it’s a good look for him.

Anonymous asked you:

I love little mares, they make me feel so good~ ;)

Hold on, let me transfer you to Chris Hayson.

jimfaindel asked you:

Where in the world is Mare-Do-Well?

Manehattan, I’m told. I admire that crazy mare. I don’t always agree with what she does, but I admire her.

jimfaindel asked you:

Is royalty the common way of goberment in the world or is Equestria just keeping the old traditions and denying change? Has any other system ever been attempted by the pony-kind?

Royalty’s definitely the most common by far. A few pony nations have tried democratic republics with mixed results, and I hear the Former Stallion Union experimented with communism for a while, to varying degrees of success.

oldmanyellsatcloud asked you:

Despite many claims that video has killed it, have you ever considered getting your own radio program rather than simply blogging? It’d at least make it easier for me to disagree with you.

Radio’s easier to triangulate.

Anonymous asked you:

So let me get this straight… Sheep talk, I could swear I’ve heard them do so. That makes them like us. Yet they’re being kept behind fences and are being herded by ponies. Does that make the sheep slaves? Come to think of it, if the sheep talk, what about the pigs that are being slaughtered to feed the gryphons?

Don’t be silly, sheep don’t talk. Now cows on the other hand…yeah, that relationship’s pretty bucked up. But sometimes you just realize that there’s so many bad things in the world that you’ve gotta turn a blind eye to something sooner or later.

ask-santalestia asked you:

Egasp! I exist, thank you very much!

Where were you on the Heartswarming of ’94, then? Napping?

oldmanyellsatcloud asked you:

You forgot “CLAIM TO KNOW TRUTH, POST NONE OF IT”. Also, what IS the story of the friendship between you and Mister Cake outside of you havin’ the hots for his wife?

We went to high school together. Occasionally have a game of poker still.

jimfaindel asked you:

Have you ever been outside fo Equestria?

I vacationed in Neighpon once.

Anonymous asked you:

How do you think you would be if put in a place of power and wealth?

Poorly. I don’t think I’d know what to do with it all. My place is reminding the people that they’re the ones who keep the ones in power in check.

lord-tristan asked you:

Have you accepted Rainbow Dash as your Lord and saviour?

Kid, I’ve already taken like five of your pamphlets. Please stop coming to my door every spring.

askdreambaker asked you:

Do you have any collections?

I collect dust, hur hur. Seriously though, I do have a collection of old, relevant newspaper clippings. I used to collect the little porcelain figures they put out for the My Little Human fanbase, but I had to sell ‘em.

askdreambaker asked you:

I doubt you do, but I figured I would ask, but do you have any pets?

I had a Salamander growing up who went by Louis.

Anonymous asked you:

What kind of cutie mark does a pimp pony have?

(I never did show it off that clearly. It was a big ol’ diamond.)

One last time, huge thanks to every last one of you. See you around the internet, and I wish success to any and all continuing ponyblogs!

Next post will be focused on getting the cutie mark story finished, for reals. Then I can finally get back to all your awesome questions.

askblueblood:

Apologies in advance to any french gal that reads this blog.

I SHEE WHUTCHU DID THERE, YOU ROYAL HO-BAG
*hic* 

askdreambaker:

I can even use my heat magic a bit to loosen the muscles. 

The mystery of Scoops’ parents revealed! Peeps wanted to know.

askquicksilver:

And our first present is a pimp hat for Scoops of CanterlotIsCorrupt. Because we all know how Scoops loves pimps.

(*Fluttershy Yay*)

rarityanswers:

Merry Christmas ponies, I’m going to do some gift art..

http://ask-chocolateswirl.tumblr.com/

http://canterlotiscorrupt.tumblr.com/

Edit: forgot freckles, fixed

Holy crap, this was so unexpected! Thank you thank you thank you!

WHAT HAVE I DONE

Welcome to the spur-of-the-moment inspiration that was the “Hypocritical Scoops” meme. If there’s any demand for it I’ll post a template.

This, like all the other things that are silly nonsense born of streams, will eventually be moved to a separate linked account for things like it, so as not to impede the flow of normal posts.

Who’re these two ponies? You don’t know ‘em yet. You will eventually. For now, just know that these gifts are Scoops’ handiwork. Happy Hearthswarming, everypony. <3

In Scoopsverse Canon, modern celebrations of Hearthswarming also frequently involves some gift-exchanging among family and friends, though it’s a much more understated practice than in many modern human winter holidays. No one really makes lists, there isn’t any sort of Santa figure (sorry, Santalestia!) and only fillies are particularly upset if they don’t receive anything that year. The gifts themselves usually skew practical, simple, and thoughtful. Hoofmade gifts are traditional, and as such, larger stores will often have modest sales on raw materials for common gifts—lumber, yarn, seasonal foodstuffs, and the like.  With the focus on friendship that traces back to its origins, lots of joyous, cozy parties occur—generally slower-paced and less bombastic than pony birthdays. It is a very common Equestrian practice for businesses to be closed on the day proper, and close rather early on Hearthswarming Eve (save, usually, for restaurants, bars, and other “social gathering” businesses). Even if they do not close on the holiday, businesses are expected to give all but the most necessary employees the day off. The major governing body(s) of a given city or town will also usually give a warm public address during the Eve, detailing some of the city or town’s major accomplishments and highlights of that year and generally spreading mirth and wishing their citizens well, as well as providing a dramatic retelling of Hearthswarming’s origin story to supplement the play that traditionally takes place.

Hey look, we get to see what the outside of his house looks like, sorta. And his kitchen.

That’s a cranberry on his plate, for the record.